All or Nothing

So this is my first blog, on Blogger, instead of well... Myspace and Xanga.  It feels weird.  But here it goes.  Don't expect anything poetic from me though. For some reason, I lack creativity at the moment.

I have always half-assed almost everything I've done.  I've half-assed my homework, my quizzes, tests, eh let's just say school in general, someee friendships, and relationships.  I've always never fully put my heart into anything, and I never truly understood why I couldn't put my all in wholeheartedly.  Sure, I'm not perfect, or am close to it but I was always one to say let's do some self-improvement if you can.  That's some people's life devotions, to become enlightened, while working on their imperfections.  I'm not saying I can get to perfection, but I'm saying I wanted to be a better person.

The thing is, I've never had someone half-ass things on me. 

The thing is, I didn't half-ass it this time.

I am giving things my all.

This time, it hurts.

They never mean to do this to me.  I just feel stupid sometimes, waiting for something to change.  To a certain extent, they did.  They try, I guess more than before.  Yet, does it truly count to look like you try?  To say you're trying than actually following through.  I feel as if I ask for much, for this dramatic change.

I suppose, maybe I'm just too emotional.  Maybe I'm just too needy.  Maybe, I'm just lost.

I don't want this half-ass conduct happening to me. It's all or nothing.