She Shot the Bullet!

"Not again, Oh this ain't suppose to happen to me!"

I have no idea what I'm doing again, but that's fine.  

Apparently, according to my parents, because I am more "agnostic" or whatever, and rarely pray, nothing is worth it in the end if I do not believe in God.  They talk to family in the Philippines and tell them they "hope I'll finish" since I lack faith.

Good grief.

Here I am Again.

I'm happy in the weirdest way. I'm finding myself again, because I was lost for a few months.  I wasn't myself; I started doing stuff I was against in the past.  I became and remain to be the biggest hypocrite. The thing is darling, the first step is recognition.

Wonderbread

I thought there was change.  More effort seen in the last few days.  Then, couldn't keep the promise and it just makes you wonder again. 

Making it

I got it again, I just had to get a reminder of what I'm doing.  You sometimes have no idea.  When I fall, I fall. Before, back when I was stuck in the "bubble"  I was constantly pushed around so I knew what I was doing all the time.  Here, there's so much freedom; the exact thing I had craved for.  

I found myself again,

and this time, in the state of freedom.

The Lead Role

I'm getting there again.

I just have to let go as much as I don't want to.

It's time to take the Lead Role.

Messed Up

I wish I didn't mess up.

I don't know where to turn anymore darling.

I just know I miss you.

76 Degrees

Once again it's a beautiful day in Irvine, California, no surprise there. Although the last few days have been a bit ugly, the temperature is perfect and it seems wonderful.  I've come to realize something though.

I've become dependent upon things to liven parties up. Fuck, why is that? And I've lost all my self-control. I've also realized people's characters are not what they seem.  I was becoming a socialite, but I can see now that these people may be more than I have ever bargained for.  I'm becoming... something I'm not comfortable with anymore.