Ambulance Lights

I am scared.

I am nervous.

I am horrified.

I see again, loneliness.

Sing it Baby, Sing

I'd kill to just travel. Pack my bags and leave.

A friend complained the other day that none of the places we have ever lived in have ever felt home. There is less comfort and in reality, nothing is really the same. The atmosphere is different; I don't have the same things I had at home, or anything similar. I don't have the smell of my grandma's cooking filling the home... I don't have the TFC (Filipino channel) blaring across the hallways. I don't have my sister's bickering filling my ears.. Although I can't say I miss my sister's petty fights.

But at the same time, it feels right. As much as I miss home, I can't imagine ever living there again. As close as I am to my family, I am happy. I love being that mutt, the girl who doesn't have a home, doesn't need to associate a home yet. I like being a floater, going along my way until I reach my goal.

Rescue the Lost

Everything is the same.  Every party is a replay.  The liquor running down my throat, the smoke in the room.  I get over it easily and I just stare at the scene.  I'm the girl redoing what she's done this past year.  I need something new. 

1 Liter of Tears

I watched a Japanese drama titled "1 Litre of Tears" in hopes that it would teach me Japanese.  I ended up falling for the drama instead.  The plot is simple:  it's about a 15 year old girl's struggle with a disease that slowly makes her unable to function as a regular teenager.  Her whole life is shattered and she realizes all the loses she now has such as being unable to marry.  I highly recommend it, as Asian and corny as it may be.  Every episode left me crying and wanting more even though you know the end.

As much as I loved the drama, I hated it.  It makes me believe that everyone will eventually fall in love, even if they don't get married.  That's bullshit.  I see people unmarried, not dating whatever all the time.  I have become somewhat jaded at this point.  Was I ever in love? Meh, who knows.  Maybe I was in the dream where I too believed some good would come out of a relationship I want, or was in.  

Awake

She tells no lies sweetheart.  Sincerity is her weapon, silence is not her virtue.  How does she make it work?

At this point time for Nihongo kurasu, I'm losing my mind.    Every word, every damn grammatical rule is a pain.  And then finding out that they don't even use hiragana or katakana as much as kanji drives me insane.  This is a ridiculous language.  I don't know how I'm going to pull through.