Resolutions

So t'is the New Year again.

Wow, time surely does fly fast.

Yet everything feels so long ago. And I mean everything.  Freshman year was a confusing time for me during high school, sophmore year was the best year ever, junior year was pretty chill and senior year was hell.  

And now I'm a freshman all over again. 

I like it.

But that's not the point of the blog, that time moves fast when we don't pay attention. It's time to contemplate and spit out some promises.

Okay, here it goes.

1)  Stop cussing. Serious this time, because it irks me.. except hella. Does hella even count?

2)  Cut down offensive phrases, except DOUCHE BAG.

3)  Work out again. Bleh. My body feels overly abused.

4)  Read Flowers for Algernon.  

THE END! :)

See everyone in the new year! 2009! woo!

Asinine Punks

I see what I can't tolerate.  I hate boys who say stupid things and keep going at it.  It irritates me like crazy.  If you know honey that I'm not a single lady, then shush.  It makes me feel uncomfortable.  

For one thing, girls, women, whatever you wanna call US... We're not objects. I'm no feminist but shit.  Respect is what a woman looks for and if you can't serve that to anyone, it just shows you what kinda person you are.  Boyfriend material? Definitely no.  Friend material? Ha.  Gross asinine punk? Yeah. Grow up.

Rag Doll Changes

When it's all out, I suppose I feel better.  I do want to see change, progression if you prefer.  We'll see how far it goes, how far the sailboat is until it will actually reach the shore.

I sometimes ask myself how the hell did I ever get into these situations.  I never understood what I did do, what I did wrong, but generally how did I end up where I am.  It's not so much that they're sticky, but that they just seem to amaze me.  I prefer not getting into these messes as much as possible, but they come.  Is it the people I meet? Or is it the environment?  Is it me?

I don't see it as drama, or if you prefer to call it drama... "Unnecessary drama."  Some things we end up in are simply lessons, even if it's just bull shit.  I guess in a sense I may even learn more about a person through anything they throw at me.  I may even learn something more, something about myself I wasn't able to see previously.  I'm no rag doll, a passerby to my own life without having my input.  I'm indeed no one's rag doll.

I see now I must make changes and it won't be too bad.  It's just a matter of getting out of this cage that's been set up by the lion and monster tamers.  I realize, it's now my decision to step out.

Invisible

Yeah, you say I'm a trip

Saying I'm needy

Get back to reality check

Fool

You get a grip

I give You my all

My Heart 

My Soul

And I especially give You

My Mind

I'd be a Fool 

If I was wasting time

Phone calls

That never come

And when they do

They're two minutes

"Hello, Good-Bye!"-

No bliss

Oh 

And You think

You think I ask for 

The World

Ten Minutes 

Of Your time

Did I say hit me up

E'eryday?

Hell no-

I'm saying

Call me

Show me

That you love me

That you care

When I'm not with you

I'm invisible

I'm not there

No Action from "Action Figures"

Words mean nothing, unless there is an action attached with them.

Yes, there may be feelings, but are feelings enough?

I'm tired of waiting for people to actually mean what they say.

Never say anything that may be interpreted as meaningful to me unless you sincerely mean it, and I see, hear, feel that you mean it.

Promise.

I feel naive just waiting for these people to change. 

They somewhat remind me of Action Figures boys bought at the Toys R Us when they're young; they look really cool like your favorite superhero, but it's not enough after awhile.  They don't do anything amusing but stand there, or just fall cause it can't hold its own weight.  Some cool action figures.

Damn. I post way too many blogs too fast.

Be a Busy-Body

So there you have it.  The answer to what I need to do.  Become a "Busy-Body."  Get it? 

I'm sick of being sad over stupid shit, I'm hella over it now.  And the only way to really be over it is to make myself busy and forget. Eh, although, eventually it'll just come back to haunt me.

I'm not asking to party party party, or to spend millions of dollars, but I want to do something. I want to look for what was lost, for what used to be.  As a child, everything was simple.  All we simply asked for was to be loved.  Unless of course, you were a spoiled kid. Yet, as grow up, we tend to forget that. That all we just need the time for others.

I am simply restless.

Am I curable? 

Yes.

All or Nothing

So this is my first blog, on Blogger, instead of well... Myspace and Xanga.  It feels weird.  But here it goes.  Don't expect anything poetic from me though. For some reason, I lack creativity at the moment.

I have always half-assed almost everything I've done.  I've half-assed my homework, my quizzes, tests, eh let's just say school in general, someee friendships, and relationships.  I've always never fully put my heart into anything, and I never truly understood why I couldn't put my all in wholeheartedly.  Sure, I'm not perfect, or am close to it but I was always one to say let's do some self-improvement if you can.  That's some people's life devotions, to become enlightened, while working on their imperfections.  I'm not saying I can get to perfection, but I'm saying I wanted to be a better person.

The thing is, I've never had someone half-ass things on me. 

The thing is, I didn't half-ass it this time.

I am giving things my all.

This time, it hurts.

They never mean to do this to me.  I just feel stupid sometimes, waiting for something to change.  To a certain extent, they did.  They try, I guess more than before.  Yet, does it truly count to look like you try?  To say you're trying than actually following through.  I feel as if I ask for much, for this dramatic change.

I suppose, maybe I'm just too emotional.  Maybe I'm just too needy.  Maybe, I'm just lost.

I don't want this half-ass conduct happening to me. It's all or nothing.