Fool's Gold

"Let me get this straight- You did what?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't know."
"So you ransacked the museum's treasure without finding out if it was even the real deal?"
"Yes, I'm sorry."
"Hah, sorry isn't gonna glaze this whole thing over. This is pathetic. It was your friend's job to make sure that he had every detail straightened out."

Fool's gold, fool's gold, fool's gold. May he sip his wine, but let him feel the guilt trickle down his lips and burn down his throat. Let it feel heavy within his stomach and never let him go.

Clearly, I am alone.

Art or Weapon

I recognize the feeling of being invisible. The challenge is that sometimes I can't escape the feeling. It is usually in the form of art, yet today it is being used against me. I am swallowed whole; Indeed, I am drowning in it.

Bad GF

That's what I usually end up as. I guess it's time I analyze what people have been saying to me. It's either they're right and I'm wrong, or their words mean nothing. He thinks I've been doing enough, but when I look at it, maybe everyone is right.

I'm thinking about taking some time off from being in Irvine. Should I go back home for a week?

I want to dig a hole

I want to dig a hole. I'm not kidding with you; I want to dig a hole and hide all the emotions bottled up within me. I always do this. I embarrass myself till I don't want to socialize. I kindI of just want to hide from everyone and everything because I tend to fuck up anyway. I know I'm going to fuck up soon. I know I'm gonna regret the single action I will do. I am a fuck up, an asinine prick, and I'm definitely a windbag.

So where's confident Michelle? Where's the girl who thinks she can do anything?
She's trying to dig a hole.

The Prayer

"Forgive me Father for I have sinned."

I know that I do wrong, but repenting is where I fail. Somehow though, I question if my soul can be saved.

Expiration Date

Am I odd for putting an expiration date on certain aspects of life? Does it sound ridiculous that I am too cold hearted towards others, or that I simply lack enough empathy? I feel that my internecine actions are the significant factors that destroy everything I do. I am, self-destructive. I enjoy the pain as much I despise it. It is not that I do not want to hurt others because of my state of my mind but I desperately cling to the drama that love possesses. I am infatuated with the wreckage of love in any form. I am simply selfish.

"Why you so sweet?"

Hah, my mom was suspicious about my relationship with Daryl, so I decided to tell her the truth that he was my bf. She didn't care. So long as I didn't "give myself up," she said she didn't mind. That's nice to know. Hahah, although I did laugh.

More to add? Went to Duarte with him on Saturday and met his friends who were pretty chill. Funny story: I went to his friend Justin's grandma's 92nd birthday and the mom meets me at the end of the party. Here's the conversation.

Justin's Mom: You're with Daryl? Stay with him he's a good boy!
(I'm smiling >_>)
Justin's Mom: You're beautiful. Are you Filipino?
Me: Yes I am actually!
Justin's Mom: Oh! See that's good! We can talk to each other!

Michelle, Justin's GF in the background: We can't talk to each other. :(
(She's Chinese. I felt bad, Daryl laughed)

Justin's Mom: Good. Stay with him. I'll be your Ninang (godmother)

HAHAHAHHAHHA WTF.

Cough Drops

I really like the Halls cough drops, "Tropical Wave." They're so delicious; they taste like candy! Mmm. I'm sick. Well, I've been sick. It's really irritable since I'm coughing all over the place and I'm wondering if I'll get better anytime soon as well. I forgot to post something new lately, and it's because I'm busy and all over the place and because well damnit, I'm a sickly child is why. I am diseased.

Today my movie came in. It's called "Lars and the Real Girl." It's about this guy who orders a sex doll and believes that it's a real girl. He also is disillusioned, believing that he's dating her and gives her the name, "Bianca." Supposedly it's worth watching and I can't wait (I can't watch it until my friend comes over).

School is all right. I'd just like to say that I miss polisci classes. >_< It feels good to be in one of these kinds of classes again.

01012009

Happy new year! :D