Karma Please Now

I found myself happy these past few days ever since the break up. I went to parties, chatted up with people... I was finally, finally having a good time being myself.  I kept going [I mean being happy, not partying] everyday, not thinking too much about the break up.  I was, myself again.

But somehow this evening I found myself ranting to my roommate about my feelings when I found out he was already seeing someone.  It hasn't even been two weeks.  Instantaneously, I felt cheap.  I held it in the whole time when I was with my friends and everything spilled.

He never loved me.

Oh how the bitter truth just makes most of us bitter. It's not even the fact that he's seeing another girl, it's the fact that I tried for so long... I did everything I could, spent most of my money on him. I never got anything back.  He only came during the night, so what was I but some cheap... whatever. Where was the love?  He would hang out with other girls all the time and I didn't really ever complain even if it bugged me sometimes.  Oh, how he'd text them back and call them right away... when there'd be days when I wouldn't even hear from him.  

All I had ever asked for was to be loved.

All I had ever asked for was... for one phone call, or a text a day... Not even to hang out every single day. Oh God, if I was like that... Kill me.

All I really wanted was for him to hang out with me... Like, real legit valuable time.  

But I saw nothing.

And now I struggle.